Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Calls in the Night

Some years ago I wrote this It just shows the frame of mind i was in at that time. I was very sad for years and angry Full of Hatred so i had the nickname FallenAngelDeathsHand. Which i wrote this poem under. I was very disturbed for years and didn’t have the Lord in my heart at this time either. My call was for death because the life in me was near gone and  the light in my world had gone dark. I had given my soul up to the devil and was lost to God Almighty. Even after I had fallen away from Satan’s grip i could not believe that God could ever forgive me. I was reminded of King Manasseh and how he had turned against God even as far as to offer up his children to bael.But God forgave Him of his sins as bad as they were.  Well even after i believed God could forgive me, I could not forgive myself for all the evil i had committed. And believe me i have committed evil.  So years pass and i began with the help of my wife A long road to recovering from a long time of abuse (not only abuse done to me but abuse that i had done to others). 3 yrs ago i asked God to help me and save me from myself and 3 yrs my wife daily told me i was a good person. I finally began to see the real me in the mirror and i wasn’t the monster i once was. So 3 yrs gone by The Holy Spirit came into me and Healed me of the long time pain i had within my heart. It filled an emptiness that you could not even imagine. I can’t tell you how it made me feel the feeling has no words. I just wanted more of it and wanted more to be closer to God. God is now in my life and He’s my greatest treasure. He’s my Joy and Hes blessed me with a beautiful woman with a heart the size of Texas. I couldn’t ask for more than this and i Dont. Sometimes i sit and cry wondering why i chose such a dark road to travel all because one man whose abuse for the most part stole a part of me and my life that i could never get back. But then i wonder if God did not choose me to go into this dark place to come out a disciple of His with a greater knowledge of our advisory the devil. Whatever His reasons were i know now that im safe in His arms and will never have to be in darkness or have any fear again.

Calls In The Night
I call into the night, I look into the sky’s, I ask them will they save me or will this be my last goodbyes. The pain is so intense the mornings never come, im lost in this darkness will my end ever come. I walk into the void, I leave the world behind seeking only darkness a place where I can hide. I hide inside this void where no one dares to come did I truly save myself? Have i really won? The hole once dug for me was never filled in. I should have been inside it, it would have surly been my end. In my dreams And nightmares im buried there alive as i slowly suffocate I see the ending of my life. But as fate would have it, i am still here to suffer in this torment haunted by my fears. I call into the night, I look into the sky’s, I ask them will they save me, or will this be my last goodbyes. FallenAngelDeathsHand

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